I Am Redeemed

God is so funny. I legitimately think He laughs at me regularly. He finds my planning and stubbornness humorous. I’m just sure of it. Last night I couldn’t sleep and finally about 1 A.M. I decided to read a book. I’ve had Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers for years, but never read it. I just never got around to it and I didn’t even know what it was about. Last night that was the book that popped into my head that I wanted to read. 12 hours later, I made it through all 464 pages. It was what I needed to hear and He knew that. This amazing story of love, conversion, and redemption crashed into my world like I never anticipated. It was a sweet reminder of God’s faithfulness. He will not fail those who are obedient and put their whole trust in Him, just as Michael Hosea did. He can revive even the darkest and hardest souls, like Angel/Sarah/Amanda. In the same time, He brought these two together in a way that only He can. God told Michael as soon as he saw Angel that she was going to be his wife. She was a prostitute, yet Michael obeyed and did not relent until he got Angel out of that dark place. He kept coming back to talk and to ask her to marry him. I wonder, would I have the same obedience and patience as Michael if I were ever in a situation where God demanded something uncomfortable of me?

It was a beautiful retelling of the story of Hosea and his wife Gomer. It was a perfectly timed reminder from my Father, that nothing is too big or too forlorn for Him to redeem. So, I imagine Him smiling and chuckling at my dumbfounded response to this book that plopped into my mind at 1 A.M. last night. He’s so cool in the way He works. If you haven’t read Redeeming Love, what are you waiting for???

“I want what you don’t even know you have to give.” Michael Hosea (Redeeming Love, pg. 68)

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Through the Dark

How long, Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. (Psalm 13:1-4 NIV)

I don’t know what is going to happen to me in this life and that scares me. I catch myself wishing on stars, fallen eyelashes, and birthday candles like they are the only hope to cling to. Satan sneaks his way in and tells me what I am so afraid to hear…I won’t be successful, I will be alone, I’m not strong enough, I’m in too deep. And unfortunately, I find myself believing him 9 times out of 10. He comes in the most interesting, yet heartbreaking forms and it scares me. When does obedience and prayer turn into reward? Why do I believe Satan before catching myself and remembering who is on MY side…My Savior, Lord, and most intimate friend all in one. I am slowly becoming worn and tired of the constant battle, on top of losing my comfort level in Bible class and small group and HS ministries. He kicks me while I’m down, and I’m so desperately trying to hold on to the One who loves me.
I am afraid of the future not panning out like I imagine. HE knows and loves me, but when do I get to see that His hand has always been there? Having FAITH that the plan of the One and Only God of the universe is good for me is more challenging than I ever expected. My heart longing for something and Him saying “not yet” is hard to bear, but “I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” (Psalm 13:5 NIV)

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare. Sacrifice and offering you did not desire— but my ears you have opened — burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require. Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll. I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.” I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, Lord, as you know. I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly. Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me. (Psalm 40:4-13 NIV)