For Jason

Seven years is a long time to know someone, but it still doesn’t feel long enough. Nobody understands, nobody has answers, but everyone is certain of one thing: we will meet again.
Words on a blog aren’t enough to show anyone who didn’t know him the amazing man he was. I could never do him justice. He was that great.
I knew him for seven years before he was called home. Many knew him much better than I did and much longer… for 20 or 16 or 13 years… far more than seven. But no matter the length, we are lucky to have known him at all.
To my friend, classmate and brother in Christ…
I love you, all who knew you do, and I look forward to an eternity where you are.

God bless the Goff family.

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Catch Me

If I could change things about my life, I would. Wouldn’t you? If you had the opportunity to look at yourself and your life on a spread sheet wouldn’t you want to tweak it a bit? I would give myself more passion for service and healthy eating and put myself in different positions to lead and take away fear of what I will do with my life and the sins I struggle with. It even gets more specific. Like wanting to plan for a husband, two kids at OCS and two dogs with a comfortable income and house in the beautiful town of Edmond, OK. I often find myself picturing my life if I was in charge. If I could plan out everything just the way I desire I would be so much happier. Or so I think.

But, I can’t plan out my life and that is scary. SCARY. Not having control over my future is one of my worst fears, along with flying and crashing (the thought alone makes my skin crawl) and being in the midst of a shooting. That’s pretty serious, don’t you think? I am terrified that I will never get to check certain things off of my “To Do” list for life. Marriage. Kids. Success. World Traveling (considering I hate flying…?). The thought is enough to make my heart beat fast and my hands get clammy. Typical Type A response to uncertainty, right?

As much as my flesh wants to attempt to control my life, my soul knows that I can trust my God with my life. And that is what I spend every day trying to do. Trust Him. I was humming a song the other day and one of the lyrics clicked in my head… “It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe.” The perfect line to describe how I feel about my future. I don’t know my future and the thought of it scares me, but I do know the One who holds my future. As difficult as it is to believe sometimes, His plans are better for me than my plans for myself. Maybe they’ll line up and maybe they won’t. I think that’s why this song lyric made so much sense to me. If I knew everything that is going to happen then there would be no sense of falling. No whole-hearted trust. I would be certain and walking on solid ground. I feel like I’m falling because I am believing. One day His hands will reach out and catch me. That is the day that I will know all of this falling was worth it. The catch is worth the fall. The catch is worth the fall.

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:22-34

Five

I just realized that I have had this blog for five years. The anniversary was September 21 and my first post was about my braces… I was a freshman in high school, ok?
I can’t believe how far I have come from that young girl so many years ago. I started this blog because I liked to write and some older girls at OCS blogged. I loved their blogs and I thought I could do it too. I looked up to them and had hopes that I could achieve a closer relationship to God like them. I can’t believe I had the courage to open my heart like this online. But, I’m happy I did.
Some of my posts were small and silly, but they have progressed to be deeper, more thought provoking (for me) and vulnerable. But, I think that maturity comes with experience and growing up.
Whether you have read my blog before or not, I hope that the Lord speaks to you through me. That’s one of the reasons I started this five years ago. I didn’t know how God was going to use me so I hoped this blog would be a vessel. Never would I have thought to do this for five, consistent years and post 132 works from my heart.
Here’s to five more.

In the last five years…
OKC Thunder played in the NBA Finals
2014 Winter Olympics in Russia
Osama bin Laden killed
EF5 Tornado hit Joplin, MO
Tiger Woods left golf after his infidelity scandal
4/5 Twilight movies released
9.0 Magnitude earthquake struck Japan
The Oprah Winfrey Show aired its last show
Prince William and Kate Middleton got engaged, married, had a baby and are expecting another
Beyonce’s halftime Super Bowl performance
Swine Flu outbreak
2012 End of the World scare
Hurricane Sandy
Kim Kardashian got married, divorced, married and had a baby
2012 Summer Olympics in London
Sandy Hook shooting
One Direction was formed
Lance Armstrong stripped of all seven Tour de France titles
President Obama re-elected
Gangnam Style became most viewed video on YouTube
Brad and Angie finally got married
Boston Marathon bombing
Ebola virus outbreak
EF5 Tornado devastates Moore, OK

I think God laughs at me.

That is a true statement. Tonight after I did some quiet Bible studying, I found myself in a very minuscule predicament. What I was studying a mere 10 minutes ago was all of a sudden very applicable to my current situation. I’ve noticed a pattern in the New Testament; false gods are important to avoid and (what relates to my situation tonight) prayer is always appropriate.
Thinking back to my study, I did what God tells us to do. I prayed. He commands us to talk with Him in all situations–good or bad, big or small. I prayed and prayed telling Him that I have faith in Him! I believe He can help my insignificant and forgetful mind and I told Him that. Lo and behold, EXACTLY when I needed this tiny miracle, He provided a solution. He worked through a friend who doesn’t even know that she’s part of God’s little gift to me: answering my prayer about microscopic problem. And I’m not kidding when I say exactly when I needed it.
So, all of this to say that I think He laughs at me. The absolute joy and connection I felt to Him after He answered my prayer was almost too much. You would have though He just told me the most exciting news or gave me the most perfect gift. Which in a way He did. He heard me and answered my small prayer. I think He delights in showing off His power to us like this. Then He receives glory back. I think our wide eyes, gaping mouths and jumps for joy over what He can do just make Him so happy and He probably does chuckle at our finite and limited minds. He’s so cool and I’m so thankful that He found reason to send the perfect man go die for me.

What was this small predicament, you may ask? This is embarrassing……

I was in the shower and I forget to grab my new face wash from my drawer in my room. I asked Him to send a friend into the bathroom so I could ask her to retrieve it for me. AND HE DID. Hahahaha